abstractgeek's Diaryland Diary

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That sick feeling again...

Nausea sucks.
Nausea + being sad = sucktastic.
Being sad for no specific reason is the worst feeling in the world.

Actually, there are reasons.
I have friends in large quarrels with their parents. Most of my friends are miles away. Those who were friends here, have drifted. The past six weeks have left me feeling lonely and useless.
Questioning my path in life, when I know that it's the path which will lead me to a career I will love. Putting more emphasis on the luxuries of money and material goods. I would not be happy in something that is not artistic or creative. It makes me sick to think that I am starting to put salary before happiness.
I continue to be tired of being alone. Frozen and unable to take a step past it, all because of mistakes in my past. Yes, I hurt feelings with my actions back in high school. Why can I not get past that? It was five years ago. Yes, I made a bad decision my first year in college. It's leaving me guilt ridden and feeling used. I'm too afraid to step forward, because I don't want to make another mistake. This is all silly. I recognize that, why can't I understand and move on?

4:23 p.m. - 17 July 2005

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